Reviews
Interview
Chaff, 08 May 2006.
Who is Bing Turkby?
Bing Turkby is an inflatable architrave salesman from Norway. Trapped on a piece
of drifting ice, he survived on a mess o' beans for 4 weeks before a Russian whaler
caught him in his net. Taken to Belarus, he worked for a tractor manufacturer who
exports to NZ. And thus he made his way to Turakina. I think the Greens had a Belarus,
or maybe the Majors?
What is your musical philosophy?
I wrote a song about SchwarzenHegel, the philosopher/bodybuilder from Austria. I
share my worldview with him - play loud, play stoopid, play till you can't play
no more. Kind of "Particle man" meets "Children of the grave".
Where have you been? /Where are you going?
I've been to paradise, and I have booked my ticket to me for later this year. Apparently
it's very nice there.
Why does everyone from bing turkby work at the library?
Define "work"... Me and the boys are all literate metrosexuals, so we like working
somewhere we can apply our eyeliner and smile at people, at the same time as having
access to all the world's classics. Try Michael Chabon's "Amazing adventures of
Kavalier and Klay" - it's nice.
Do you discriminate against people who Don't work at the library?
Just as the library welcomes all patrons, residents and non-residents alike, the
Bing Turkby Ensemble loves all God's little petals. Please come to a gig and yell
and scream along with me. Although if you have stolen library books, may your toes
cross over and trip you up on the way to the dairy for a week and a half.
How many albums have you done?
Too damn many! 9 CDs, one cassette and 3 pieces of Geraldine vinyl. (One of them
triangular in shape!) (see www.turkby.co.nz for a list)
Do you have a new one?
This year will see the release of the career retrospective "Best of Bing: 10 years
of Turkby", which I think is neat, but maybe no-one else does.
What inspires you?
A well-written MARC record on the library catalogue. And questions on self-help
telly programmes like "what about lead-based paint for children?" That one became
a Simnock on Steel song for a little while.
Why is your geetar nailed to a plank of wood?
I fixed it, that's why! It was a geetar I borrowed from my mate H, and the neck
joint was knackered. I forgot it wasn't mine, so I went and fixed it, and now Te
Papa want it for an exhibition.
Are you playing at swampfest?
As professor emeritus of Doing Things in a Shabby Manner, I will be playing and
then doing a workshop on how to make a really shabby video. Swampfest is a bloody
nice do, and TurkbyTone Rekkids is proud to be associated with it, especially since
it doesn't cost us anything.
Are you a lonely rider?
I am the loneliest of lonely riders. Once I took my BMX down to Turakina Domain
all by myself, and even the bullies couldn't be bothered with me.
How long have you been around?
Since pretty soon after I was born. As far as I can remember.
What are your band members names? Sparky longdrop or something?
Tyrone T Blowhard is the mighty sax presence in the Bing Turkby Ensemble, and Snatchlock
Cutpenny has just joined us on thunderous drums. They are both ferocious beasts
who shouldn't be approached without a candy apple. (I like this Sparky Longdrop
thing though - would you be interested in joining a band?)
What else can you tell me?
If all the hippies cut off all their hair, I don't care, I don't care.
Will you tell me enough to write 500 words tonight?
Yes, see 'answers to questions that you didn't ask', below!
Tomato or tomaeto?
As a vegetarian who doesn't like eating his veges, I'd have to say "mato sauce".
Do you have a regular supplier of acid?
I use my car battery.
Do you rock?
Yes.
Do you really really rock?
Oh, OK then - no. I play wuss-rock of the highest order, and sometimes an accordion
is involved. What more can I say?
-Shanna
P.s. Please answers asap thankyou and goodnight
Here are some more questions and answers you can use.
Q. Is it still hard being so talented and sexy after all these years?
A. Well, you think you get used to it and then another pair of undies comes flying
at your face! I’m pretty comfortable with it, though.
Q. How has Michael Laws reacted to your song "Wanganui"?
A. In the newspaper he said I deserve to be flayed alive. Then he rang me that night
and told me to keep it up, it's just the sort of thing he wants. Then he sent the
bailiffs round.
Q. Tyrone T Blowhard (sax) and Snatchlock Cutpenny (drums) are actually really good
at playing their instruments. What's your excuse?
A. My Dad gave me a block of wood to make a guitar out of. We couldn’t afford real
instruments back in Turakina. So we couldn’t afford skill either. All we had was
perseverance, and even that had to be shared between us 3 kids. Every 3rd day I’d
persevere at learning to play the block of wood, then for the next 2 days I’d just
give up.
Q. The fabulous T-shaped TurkbyTone Towers building in Turakina is ubiquitously
famous. How much is the rent?
A. Jim Keltnenhausen my manager takes care of all that for me. Last month he pawned
my gold bidet, so it could be that the building is quite expensive to maintain.
Might have to look at selling it off to Treasures nappies or Toilets R Us...
Q. Tell us how you acquired your rather splendid wardrobe.
A. I have an exclusive contract with most of the op-shops round town. That explains
why you can’t find any decent freak clothes at them any more.
Q. What towns will your extensive tour take you to?
A. We’re off down South at the end of April, going to glitzy Oamaru, scarfie-infested
Dunedin, Chthonic Christchurch, and finishing with Nice Nelson. When we get back
I’ll line up gigs in Palmy and Wanganui ("have a Tui...")